It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
