I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nicole vs. Life
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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