maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
