the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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