apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
