the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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