Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
