We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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