her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
