Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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