I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
