Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
