Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
