Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
