So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
