I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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