Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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