just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
