why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
