Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
