I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
