WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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