Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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