i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
