If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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