Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
