Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
