Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
