You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
