she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
