I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
