Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Randomize
