Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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