you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
