I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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