Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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