i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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