Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
