she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
