Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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