If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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