i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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