she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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