I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
