Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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