It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
