dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Help. Why am I so naked?
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