I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We need to get me chipped asap
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
