These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
