K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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