im drinking this country out of the recession.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
