Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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