its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
