If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
