last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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