YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
