I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
