Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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