Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
