should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
