My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
