Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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