Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
