Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
