my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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