there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
