I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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