He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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